Sass-A-Frass

Amber loves gum, and is usually very good not to take it out of her mouth, leave it anywhere but the trash can, and spit it out before she goes to sleep. This morning, though, I found a lump of pink ABC gum embedded in the bottom of her hair. Since she's been needing a hair cut for quite a while, I asked her if I could do the honors. She thought about it for a minute and said, "Sure. I don't want to have long hair like Kinzi's any more...I want to have short hair like LuLu!" (She was referring to two of my adorable nieces.) I trimmed her hair and here are the darling results:

After taking this picture, I said, "Okay, now do a cute pose" and this is what she produced:

I think Amber has watched waaaaaaay too many episodes of "America's Next Top Model" (thanks to my shameless addiction), but even so, she sure is a fierce little cutie-pie!

Sure Was a Crappy Day

Today started out great: Karli used the potty twice, Amber let me cut three inches off her perpetually tangled hair, and Rex actually got bathed. I did the dishes right after breakfast (a rare and exciting accomplishment) and we were all ready to go by noon. We drove over the mountain, through Suncrest, to enjoy the spectacular views on the way to Sandy for some administrative errands to complete Adam's Bar exam application, and were delighted to find out that he has no speeding tickets left on his driving record. Since the day was going so well, we decided to visit a park where Adam used to play as a kid. It had a great playground with lots of old school equipment like a dinosaur-shaped climbing apparatus and a teeter totter with horses for seats.

As Adam and I sat on the bench watching the girls frolic, we noticed that Amber kept digging at her perma-wedgie (she recently grew about four inches and needs a bigger size in undies...that's on my to-do list). Finally, she settled down on a swing and I said, "Do you keep getting wedgies?" As calmly as can be, she replied, "No. I did poops in my panties." and kept right on swinging like nothing was wrong. When I said, "You can't be serious," she said, "I am serious. I pooped in my panties." ARRRRRGGGHHHH!

I suddenly noticed that the whole back side of her shorts was brown, meaning the mess had seeped through the undies and shorts, and was inching its way up her back and front. I hate to be graphic, but this was not the kind of mess that can be dumped into a toilet. I had to throw away her panties and shorts, and it took an entire package of wipes (brand new this morning) to clean her off. Aside from covering her whole lower trunk, she had it on her hands (from digging out the wedgies, of course), legs and feet, and I honestly had to bite my lip to keep from throwing up everywhere. I was fighting back tears, too, because poop and vomit duty are two areas of motherhood that I just can't handle.

Finally, Amber was barely clean enough to be buckled in her carseat, and we made our way to the nearest McDonald's to use the soap and sink. I walked in with Amber who was sporting an adorable little white tunic, a tiny diaper (Rex's), filthy feet, and poopy flip-flops. I was expecting at any moment to be handed a large, gold-plated figurine of Jerry Springer with the title "White Trash Citizen of the Year" carved into it (courtesy of a pocket knife or car key) by any one of the six soccer moms with darling and sparkling-clean-karate-student children who were all sitting right by the door. Eventually, Amber took a makeshift bath in the sink and was thoroughly soaped down, so we headed on our way.

The story only gets better (worse for us, though)...today is my niece's birthday, so we quickly ran home to grab new undies and shorts for Amber before I needed to be dropped off at the gym where I teach. Adam and the kids then went out to Kinzi's house for her surprise party. Upon calling Adam for a ride home, he said, "Amber just peed all over the place and through her underwear and shorts!" What the $%#&!? Twice in one day?! What have we done wrong?

After a long, calm discussion between Amber and Dad (I was too disgusted and annoyed to say anything), we realized that Amber is feeling really bad that Karli gets a treat every time she uses the potty and Amber only gets them occasionally. Amber also told me that she felt sad all day because when I lay down by her last night, I turned my head toward Karli instead of her and that she "kind of doesn't like it when I yell at her so much because it makes little kids hide because they are scared of yelling moms and grown-ups." I listened intently and tried not to laugh and cry at the same time, and desperately hoped that tomorrow will be a day free from yelling and accidents involving bodily waste.

Hello, I'm Phyllis Neffler

Adam and I got called to be the den leaders of the Bears in Cub Scouts, which means that once a week, three times a month, I'm going to have three eight-year-old boys come to my house and expect to be entertained by activities that don't involve pink, sparkly dress-up clothes or painted toenails. Whatever will we do? All I can say is I'm thrilled that Adam is my partner in this endeavor...otherwise, those poor boys' parents might have a thing or two to say to the Primary president. :)
I am actually really excited for this calling; maybe now I'll find out what boys like to do and how to respond to their gross humor and seemingly ridiculous antics so that when Rex is eight years old, I won't be encouraging him to do something utterly feminine like donning a Giorgio backpack and smashing his way through the underbrush with a tennis racquet.

Ravenous Rex

For several weeks, Rex has tried valiantly to swipe food from our hands, drink from our cups, and shove everything he can grab into his mouth. We bought him some rice cereal yesterday and he couldn't have been more excited to wolf it down. He knew exactly what to do; when I held the spoon up to his mouth, he leaned forward and gulped down the cereal like he hadn't eaten in days.

Once he realized cereal had spilled on his hand, he wouldn't let one bit go to waste.

He sucked his fingers clean after every bite, which was cute but annoying because he wouldn't take them out of his mouth once the cereal disappeared down the hatch.

Finally he learned that he could get more food faster if he removed his fist from his mouth. This kid takes after his cousin Hunter...he loves to eat (obviously; just look at those chubby arms)!

ExZOOberance

Amber, Karli, and I met Stephanie, Gracie, Cooper, Emily, Will, and Tate at Hogle Zoo on Friday. It was fun to have a "girls' day out" (Adam kindly watched Rex) and enjoy the wonderful weather and fun animals. The girls had a blast seeing the creatures and I liked meeting a new friend and spending some time with my cool sister-in-law.

All of the kids tried to scare the poor lynx to make it wake up. It stayed put and ignored them...I don't blame it one bit!

We couldn't find the tiger anywhere, which is a shame, because it's pretty cool to see a huge tiger swimming around its habitat.

Karli, Cooper, Gracie, Amber...my kind of zoo animals.

We watched the bird show and it was great! We saw lots of interesting and talented birds, but the bald eagle was my favorite.

Now that we know Rex will drink formula from a bottle, I think the girls and I will have to do a little more playing. Shopping, anyone?!

Adam Clark, Esquire

It's official...I am now the proud wife of a Juris Doctor. I already feel smarter, and I'm only the groupie! Adam's diploma came in the mail on Wednesday and it's a magnificent sight to behold (at 16x20 inches, it couldn't be more imposing). I am so proud of Adam's grand achievement and think he is the very best husband and dad ever. Way to go, Adam!

Adam is thinking about pursuing a career in litigation, and, because I love the movie so much, I have to quote Cher from "Clueless": "My daddy is a litigator, which means he charges $500 an hour to argue with people. He argues with me for free, though, because I'm his daughter." Maybe someday the big bucks will roll in, we can pay off our seemingly interminable loans, and I can have my elective total-body reconstructive surgery so I'll look as good as Cher. :)

I'm Old School

I remember the first time I played with Legos; I was three and at our neighbor, Susan Anderson's house. She had a gigantic Rubbermaid tub full of them, and the only thing more spectacular than stacking the millions of plastic blocks into a tower that touched the ceiling was the glorious and melodic sound of each piece spilling out of that monstrous tub onto the carpet. I played with those Legos for hours on end and was always sad when I had to clean them up and go home. I think the main reason for my dismay was that it took what seemed like forever to pick up every single Lego.

I was delighted to find a similar tub brimming with Legos in the closet of the cowgirl room (the adorable room where Amber and Karli sleep). Adam suggested Lego play as a reward for the non-whiners (which are increasingly fewer and farther between these days), so after dinner we headed upstairs and slid the enormous container to the middle of the room. I couldn't hide my nostalgic excitement when I removed the lid, carefully tipped the tub onto its side, and relived that magical symphony of sight and sound as all the Legos tumbled out onto the floor. Amber and Karli were more excited about finding different colors, shapes, and Micro Machines among the Legos than actually constructing things, but Adam and I had a grand time making cars with passengers, a little red house, an airplane, a bridge, and a few other abstract structures. One thing is for sure...Legos rock!

Check out all these sweet Legos!

The Clarks have every set imaginable, from castles to pirate ships to trains.

Amber sneakily tried to destroy the house I built.

The clean-up process was as bad as I remembered. Just like before, it took FOREVER!

It was fun to see the girls build little towers and take them apart, even if they were only interested for a few minutes.

Amber and Karli each found a Micro Machine car and have been carrying them around for days. I used to love the commercials for these vehicles with the yelling pro-wrestler. I don't know why I loved them so much...I guess I have problems. A toy-filled memory lane is a great place to visit once in a while; it's loads of fun, even if I do feel ancient when my kids play with the toys I used to love.

Amusing Confusion

Amber was playing with my sisters, Marianne and Angela, on Sunday when Angela suddenly grabbed Amber and told her she was a vampire who would suck her blood (beyond scary...I know). Amber squealed and ran away. Later that day, Marianne did the same thing to her, and the next time we were all together, Amber said, "Mom, what do the firefighters do?" to which I replied, "They save us from fires." She said, "No. I mean, what do they do to us when they suck our blood, like Mar and Ang?" She had confused the word "vampire" with "firefighter" and still gets them mixed up. Every time Amber sees my sisters, she screams, "Get away from me, firefighters!" It's adorable and hilarious.

The ABCs of Me

A-Attached or Single: Attached
B-Best Friend: Adam
C-Cake or Pie: Cake
D-Day: Friday
E-Essential Item: Computer
F-Favorite Color: Right now it's brown, but I love lots of colors
G-Gummi bears or gummi worms: worms
H-Hometown: Alpine, Utah
I-Indulgences: Ice cream, expensive hair products, MAC makeup, and sexy shoes
J-January or July: Definitely July
K-Kids: Amber, Karli and Rex
L-Life is incomplete without: My family
M-Marriage Date: April 25, 2002
N-Number of Siblings: 5 (4 sisters and 1 brother)
O-Oranges or Apples: Both
P-Phobias or Fears: Being followed
Q-Quote: “Whatever you are, be a good one." -Abraham Lincoln
R-Reason to Smile: I live a charmed life
S-Season: Autumn
T-Tag: Kathrine, Stephanie L., Stephanie C., Christina, Liz
U-Unknown fact about me: I love to eat stale marshmallows
V-Vacation destination of choice: Switzerland
W-Worst Habit: Wasting time on the computer
X-X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds
Y-your favorite food: Hot homemade bread
Z-Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Eatin' Like Hobos

Yesterday we got a hankerin' for some tin foil dinners, so Adam dug out the overgrown fire pit, I bundled up a few potatoes and carrots with ground beef and onion soup mix, and we trekked down the terraced yard to enjoy one of the finest outdoor meals I can imagine.

Nothing is better than dessert before dinner, so we taught Amber and Karli how to make s'mores while our dinners cooked in the fire.

They were obviously a big hit!

Here are the bundles of delectable hobo fare; they smelled fantastic and we couldn't wait to bust out the juicy, smokey goodness.

Amber and Karli loved the beef, and they even had enough courage to eat a few of the veggies. Adam said, "Isn't it funny that the girls eat veggies when Dad cooks them?" To which I replied, "That's great. Dad can cook dinner every night!" He laughed and humbly declined (typical). The dinners tasted even better than I thought they would and for about three seconds, I contemplated forsaking my kitchen for a campfire to be able to eat this kind of food for every meal. Don't worry though, I came to my senses when I saw a bug crawling down Adam's cheek as he took his first bite. I'm way too domesticated for regularly-scheduled campfire cuisine.

The tin foil dinners were a great success...and that's all she wrote.

A Validation of My Theory

Ever since Amber started eating baby food in a high chair, I've thought about how wonderful it would be to build a house that had gently sloped cement floors with a central drain in every room, thus requiring only a hose and maybe a scuba mask to produce a pristine dwelling despite habitation by toddlers. Sweet potatoes, rice, red popsicles, chili, blueberry yogurt and Play Dough have been mercilessly mashed into the carpet and walls over and over despite my best efforts to drape every porous surface within flinging distance in dishtowels, sheets, and even a shower curtain. An experience today reaffirmed my genius in such an idea.

Karli sneakily transferred the contents of twenty mini-containers of Play Dough into a 24-ounce cup full of cold water and let it stew just long enough to morph into a slimy, gelatinous batch of goo that, if you've never experienced this atrocity for yourself, is nearly impossible to remove from any surface, and flung it around the entire kitchen. Seven paper towels, a bucket, a mop, and a timeout later, I was convinced I needed my cement floors and drain so I could hose everything down pool-deck style.

I'm thrilled that my brother-in-law is skilled in the cement floor arena because as soon as we pay off our law school loans, I'm enlisting him in my battle against indelible food stains, finger paint, and soggy masses of modeling compound (although, by the time that debt is paid, my cement floors may be handy for my grandchildren and not my own kids).

A Great Day

Saturday was a blast! Upon waking, the girls donned their princess gear and headed outside to help Adam clean the pool and get it all ready for winter (boo hoo hoo), and I took Rex outside to supervise. I have utterly enjoyed living free from creepy neighbors who notice every, single thing we do, but the culmination of my appreciation for fenced-in, single-family property came when I needed to feed Rex and could do it on the swing in the wonderfully private backyard. Adam makes a great pool boy, too (no, he didn't wear a sparkly thong a la Legally Blonde, but nonetheless...), and after he finished, we all headed over to the trampoline for some bouncing. Rex loved it and Amber and Karli got a big kick out of hearing him gasp after an extra-high jump.

After exploring in the yard for a bit, the girls found an adorable, fat, fuzzy, yellow caterpillar and insisted on adopting it. We made it a nice home in a food storage container and watched it wiggle and climb while we enjoyed our lunch of Hebrew National Fat-Free hot dogs (the best...and only kind of hot dogs I'll eat), green apple slices dipped in caramel, and vanilla yogurt with bananas and almonds. Then the kiddos went down for naps and I had two hours to shower and get ready before our friends arrived for dinner.

Ryan Hanvey and his wife, Kim, and James and Amy Thomas and their kids came over for a barbecue which ended up as a kitchen party (we ran out of propane while heating the grill; thank heavens for electric griddles!) with tons of yummy food and great conversation. J.J., Hannah, Mariah, Amber, and Karli all loved the treats Ryan and Kim brought for them and had a fantastic time swimming. Despite the chilly air, the water was warm and we all loved seeing Hanvey's crazy dives that really impressed and inspired the little kids.

Once the excitement died down and our company went home, Adam, Amber, Karli, Rex and I snuggled up under a big quilt on the porch swing and enjoyed the starry, cold night. It was a wonderful end to a great day in a gorgeous place. I love living here!

Here's the view from the trampoline; I could lie out there all day!

My Favorite Season Has Arrived

I'm a lucky girl for a lot of reasons, but one on the top of my list today is that I've been able to experience the change from summer to fall twice this year. A week before we left Michigan, the air cooled down, the sunlight changed (my favorite characteristic of early fall), and football started. Woohoo! Chalk it up to my years as a cheerleader...I still get so excited when I hear a drumline or the crunch of pads or a cannon booming after a touchdown. I'll watch any football game, but college gridiron is my ultimate entertainment choice from August 28th until New Year's Day. Go Utes!

Now that we're in Utah, I've seen it again. I love the mild weather, especially in the evening when it's almost cool enough for a jacket (it makes for great running), and a campfire does wonders to enhance the ambiance of early-fall twilight. Add to this list the wonderful bounty of fall fruits and veggies, and I am truly a happy girl! I always know fall is on its way to Utah when the Black-Eyed Susans bloom in the yard in Alpine. They're one of my favorite flowers and I'm thrilled to be able to enjoy them all season long!

Bottoms Up

Amber and Karli preferred to sleep with their bums in the air for several months, and I think it's adorable that Rex does, too. They have such cute little bottoms and they look like snuggly peanuts in this modified fetal position. I just love it!

A Nostalgic Tribute to Mr. Victorio

Every once in a while, my inner Martha calls to me, begging to escape from captivity to take on a ridiculously involved, lengthy, and complex homemaking project. Today I let it out for a few hours when I noticed the box of tiny, homegrown apples on the counter were about to go bad, and ended up having a delightfully reflective moment on a childhood memory that is dear to me.

My Grandparents Rydalch had four apple trees in their yard in Rexburg, and every year, my mom and siblings and I picked and gathered and hauled all the apples into the kitchen for a marathon applesauce-making session. I loved the smell of the cooking apples, and thought the old Victorio Strainer was an ingenious machine. Just how did that hunk of metal know how to separate the fruit from the peel and extract the yummy, juicy pulp from whatever went into it? The entire experience, though painstaking and sometimes way too long for a bunch of rowdy kids, was a sure and charming indicator that fall had arrived and that by putting forth a little effort, we'd have delicious applesauce to eat all winter long.

So, while enjoying this great memory, I washed the little apples and decided to make some homemade applesauce, inspired by my ever-industrious mom and by Grandma Joan, a dear friend in Michigan who makes her own scrumptious variety as well. But since plain, old applesauce is just plain, old applesauce, I entertained a whim and decided to roast the apples instead of boiling them (Alton Brown has taught me well...water doesn't bring any flavor to the party). I was quite nervous to see the results, but went for it anyway. I set up the same, old Victorio Strainer that belongs to my Grandma Rydalch and went to town. A few minutes later, I had three jars of beautiful, pink applesauce with the wonderfully sweet, tart, and earthy flavor that can't be reproduced in a factory. The process was not as horrid as I imagined it could be and the results are grand!

Here are my roasted apples, complete with a drizzle of olive oil. The two may sound like a strange combination, but it actually is a quite harmonious flavor pairing.

If this thing isn't old school, I don't know what is. I believe it can officially be considered an antique.

The final product is a beautiful shade of pink and my girls are so excited to have "girl applesauce". I recommend roasting when making applesauce! It produces excellent results.

New 'Do, Volume II

I finally took a well-needed trip to the hairstylist and got a brand new hairdo, so here are Karli and I modeling together. Amber said, "Oh, mom, you look cute like Leslie Larson!" and I was utterly flattered (Leslie Larson is adorable). I feel like a million bucks and love, love, love to get my haircut because I always feel like I lose 50 pounds. The 4.5 hour session in the styling chair was well worth it (yes, I do have a TON of hair) and I couldn't be happier to be blonde again, because, like, blondes really do have totally so much more fun (I'm popping my gum and twirling my hair)!

New 'Do

Karli got a new hairdo and it's so darling! She probably looked at herself in the mirror a hundred times yesterday to admire her cute little bangs. She kept saying, "Loot mommy, I pitty lite a pincess!" She's a cutie!

Allison Goes to the Empty Sea

Today we took my sister, Allison, to the MTC. She was the cutest missionary there! All the guys were checking her out (yikes; focus, please!); she's gorgeous and exuberant and will make a fabulous missionary. It's been great to be able to spend the last few days with her and to feel her missionary spirit brimming. Amber and Karli were really excited to go to the "Empty Sea" and see where Adam spent time learning how to be a missionary. I'm excited for Allison and for the Danish; she'll help many people find happiness.

Amber said, "My daddy has a tag just like that one!" Sister Liljenquist is adorable, huh?


The shadow in this picture is horrid (sorry), but it's the only one I have of my kids and Sister Liljenquist. Good luck, Albums! We love you lots!

Relative Excitement

The kids have been enjoying their cousins' company more than ever now that they are a bit older and better at sharing things. My sister's family came up for Allison's farewell and Amber, Merrick, McKay, and Karli had fun playing with my cousins, Hunter and Bella (is it strange that I have cousins who are younger than my own kids? I must be a Mormon!). Every night, the kids are wiped out and ready for a good rest. I'm thrilled because Amber and Karli have slept in their own beds every night but one!

Amber, McKay, Hunter, and Merrick reading a story on the stairs.

McKay and Karli being sweet. They are only two days apart.

Karli loves to cruise around the basketball court on the Barbie four-wheeler. I thought she'd be too scared to ride on it, but she loves to drive it all by herself.

Rex loved to sit in Cooper's excer-saucer and got a big kick out of spinning around.

Karli, Amber, Kinzi, and Gracie had a sleepover on Sunday night. It was adorable to see them all snuggled up together.

A Yard Free From Disgusting Debris

To me, playing in the "yard" in Lansing seemed akin to playing in a prison yard; the sparse lawn was dry and brown, the spaces between the sorry little blades of grass were actually filled with an assortment of razor blades, plenty of cigarette butts and bottle caps, and shards of broken liquor bottles, and we had spectators galore (the really creepy kind). We love playing in our yard in Alpine, where the grass is lush and green, the swings are free from any questionable substances that may or may not be infested with diseases, the air is cool and crisp, and we have a spectacular view! Karli would sit in this swing 24/7. She loves it!

Amber and Gracie are great pals and have had a riot playing together.

Rex loves his cousins, Mckinzie and Whitney. The two babies are pudgy little pals and love to stare at each other all the time.

I love the dry air here! My hair is slightly less-humongous and everything smells fresh here (except, of course, Utah Lake, but that goes without saying!).

Here's the view from the deck behind our house. The photo just doesn't do it justice. I love to look out the windows and see mountains in every direction. Next on our list is to go up the canyon for a campfire.