I grew up in Idaho, land of rodeo queens and white trash deluxe, where the gals' hair was always jacked up higher than the most ostentatious cowboy's truck. That said, I have routinely deemed the infamous western-states-supported hair "bump" an atrocity. I mean, a little volume is good (just ask David Spade and Adam Sandler and their Gap Girls alter-egos), but even if I am inviting the cast of SNL to the party, can we please leave the Coneheads off the list? Honestly, how can anyone find this bump remotely attractive (for the record, I did NOT resize this photo. It remains in its original aspect ratio)?

"Oh my heck...I like, love Bumpits! My hair is getting
higher and my face is looking flatter!"
I rest my case.
Imagine my horror when, tonight, I saw an infomercial for Bumpits. That's right, folks. There is now a patented product designed to eliminate the hours of teasing, ratting, spraying, stuffing (don't laugh, my friends did it with toilet paper and pantyhose filled with batting), pulling, and pinching it takes to achieve this hideous hair phenomenon. I nearly wet my pants!
Since I think I may be one of five women within a 1,000 mile radius who doesn't support or sport the bump, please do not consider this post a personal attack on your style. Were I a bumper, I'd probably jump online and snatch up as many Bumpits as I could to spare my arm muscles the indefinite fatigue caused by the now outdated, aforementioned bumping method.

Happy bumping, everybody!