I've Been Bitten

Now, now...before you get all excited, you must know that, of course, I did not read the Twilight series (come on, now!). I did, however, watch the movie last night, and I loved it! Upon pressing play, I thought to myself, "Geez...this is just as bad as suffering through a novel...it's so slow...what's with those eyebrows?" but upon noticing the nuanced, tasteful, and riveting sexual tension strung all through the plot, I was intrigued and drawn in, and even sad when it ended because I wanted to see more.

Adam liked it too, and the movie was so good that I stayed awake until 4:05 a.m. to finish it. I also almost considered trying the novels (only for a moment, though!). Perhaps I still may, but my burgeoning ADD seems to prohibit any action that requires my full attention. I'd much rather scrapbook and enjoy Twilight, so I think for now, I'm stuck in wonder and addiction until the next installment comes out on film. Becky, I'll definitely go with you to see #2 in the theatre!

Walkie-Screamy

This video is about a month and a half overdue, but since it takes a year to upload videos on this computer, I'm just now finding time to do it. Rex is walking all over the place now, and it's so cute to see how proud of himself he becomes when he gets to where he wants to go.

I've been trying to teach him words, signs, actions like blowing kisses or waving, actually anything that seems intelligent, but he is not interested at all! Instead, he just screams when he sees something he wants. It's adorable (can you sense the sarcasm?). I think he's beginning to know to say "dee" for drink, but it's only once in a while that he actually communicates it in a civil manner.

I can't believe how quickly this little, darling guy is growing! He gets a forward-facing car seat next month, and he climbs on everything. He is such a sweetie and loves to snuggle. I was excited for my girls to grow up, but I'm kind of sad that Rex's infancy has flown by so fast. Oh well...I'm stoked to watch him play tee ball and soccer and do all that rolicking boy stuff. Time really flies when we're having fun!

Please Pass the Pink Stuff

The past few weeks at the Clark home have been full of fun and medical moments:
Amber went to the doctor for her 4-year-old check up and we discovered both of her ears were wildy infected. This was a surprise to me since Amber had not complained even once about pain in her ears. Tough gal, huh? Please pass the pink stuff.

Yesterday, Rex wandered away from me while I was picking up toys and he found the Rock Band equipment stashed in the farthest corner of our main floor. He snagged a drumstick, put the pointy end of it in his mouth (of course) and managed to fall on top of it. Yes, (gasp) it did some damage. The good news is he didn't puncture the roof of his mouth and as I found out this morning from Doctor Whiting, he narrowly missed a major blood vessel and several "important things". I about had a heart attack when I heard the doctor say that, but Rex seems to be doing alright and even managed to eat some baby food today (he didn't eat or drink anything but Popsicles yesterday). To avoid an infection, he's on the pink stuff too.

For twelve days now, I have been suffering from a condition that usually goes away in five to seven, so I'm definitely ready to be done with that, and every one of us has had a runny nose for about two months. What's going on? On the sunny side, though, the colds haven't been too bad and it's nothing a little sleep and some chicken soup won't fix.

This Cake is the Ship

I have a cloistered desire to be the next Ace of Cakes; although strictly amature in skill, my aspirations in showpiece cakemaking are sky high. Each of my kids' birthday cakes has been greater than the previous year's, thus this pirate ship cake is my latest masterpiece. I had so much fun making it and it took less time than I anticipated.

Amber said she wanted a "strawberry shortcake girl pirate ship cake", so I made the layers from a traditional shortcake batter, stacked them up with homemade strawberry jam and vanilla pudding mid-strata, gave it a crumb coat of chocolate buttercream, and topped it off with a vanilla buttercream wood grain.

I used mini Reese's peanut butter cups glued together with frosting to make powder kegs and barrels; Pop Rocks and gold icing made rubies and gold coins.

Pirouette cookies made great cannons and chocolate covered pretzels made up the railing around the deck. I used Whoppers for cannon balls and a stick of gum for the plank.

With its dirty pink sails and a killer Jolly Rodger flag, this cake was the perfect ending to Amber's delightful pirate party.

A Mighty Fun P-aarrrgh-ty

Amber has been obsessed with pirates since our jaunt to Treasure Island in Las Vegas, so she naturally wanted a pirate-themed birthday party. We held the salty event a week before her actual birthday so that all the grandparents could be here, and it was great fun! I found a "pirate girl" costume for her and she wore it all day. Adam and I gave Amber her birthday gifts, one at a time throughout the day, and by the time five o'clock rolled around, she was beyond excited about turning four.

Amber loved all the attention (of course) she

garnered when we sang "Happy Birthday".

Here's "Cinnamon" (that's Amber's self-given pirate name)

on the adorable Dora tricycle from Grandma and Grandpa Clark.

Amber and Gracie enjoying their golden chocolate coins

and sporting their anchor necklaces.

We had a special treasure in the treasure chest for each of the kids: sparkly, crystal daisy earrings for the girls and ring-pops for the babies.

The highlight of the party was the Captain Hook pinata filled with
a superb assortment of candy. Kinzie finished him off with a

spectacular hit and liberated all that yummy goodness.

We found the pinata at Robert's Crafts, Leslie had the adorable pirate chest in her remarkable stash of decor, my mom bought bubble-filled swords for the kids, and I made the anchor necklaces, bandanas, and skull bags as favors. The little scallywags ended up with lots of great treasures.

The party was super fun, Amber had a blast, and we really appreciate all the cute and wonderful gifts!

Vegas, Baby!

We took a much-needed vacation after Adam finished the Bar Exam and it was fantastic! We loaded up and headed to St. George where Adam's grandpa has a magnificent condo on the ridge by the airport. The views are phenomenal and the condo is graciously furnished; the pool is wonderful and we love staying there. We hit the pool on Thursday night and fell asleep watching scary movies. Friday morning, we went swimming and got ready to brave the crowds at In n Out Burger for lunch. After a two-hour ordeal and some very delicious burgers, we cruised over to Fiesta Fun Center and let the kids run wild. Our favorite attraction was the bounce house, followed by the bumper boats and the go carts. After spending their tickets on all sorts of miscellany, we jumped in the car, bound for Vegas.

Our first stop was Bellagio--my very favorite hotel on the Vegas Strip. I love the conservatory, which was decked out for Chinese New Year, the shops which I'll likely never be able to patronize, and the fountains.

It was fun to be able to show the "dancing water show" to our kids. Amber and Rex loved them; Karli was less interested and hung out in the stroller.

We ate at Cheesecake Factory inside Caesar's Palace. Here we are in front of the giant aquarium, which the kids loved.

F.A.O. Schwartz is an awesome toy store and Amber and Karli went crazy in the stuffed animal department. Amber kept grabbing animals and posing, begging me to take her picture.

Rex and Rex...cute!

Adam found this little jersey for Rex; although I'm not a huge Favre fan,

I think Rex looks darling in it!

We spent Saturday swimming and shopping at the mall where we found hundreds of amazing deals. I scored two great pairs of jeans for a total of $30 and Adam bought nearly 20 dress shirts, Polo items, and tres-hip sweats for only $150. Dillard's 80% off sale rocks! We had a great time hanging out, having fun, and eating waaaaay too much good, unhealthy food.

No More Bar

Adam is finished with the Bar Exam! Hooray! No more 20-hour study sessions, no more 4-hour Bar prep classes every night of the week, and no more school-related stress! I am so proud of Adam for his valiant efforts in law school and in taking this beast of an exam. He is amazing and I'm lucky to be his wife. And now...a job...and...a vacation!

Tasty Variation

Here's something fun to try: make your usual dough for cinnamon rolls, but swap plain ol' homemade jam (strawberry is my very fave) for the butter/sugar/cinnamon mixture. Roll up, slice, rise and bake as usual. Make your favorite buttercream frosting, but omit vanilla and add about 1/4 cup (or more to taste) of the same jam. Top warm rolls with frosting and enjoy!

C'est Bon!

Since I love any excuse to eat good food, I try to celebrate Mardi Gras to the extent that my religion and common sense allow. We thought it could be fun to celebrate Fat Tuesday with a big pot of pseudo-gumbo (try to get a Clark to eat okra!), a king cake, some beads and masks (handed out for free, without exposure of private parts...except for Amber with her strapless, mermaid-tail-for-gown...she would have earned lots of beads in New Orleans!), and an attempt at a parade. We had a great time.

Here are the best of the revelers in their fancy garb.

Rexy wasn't into the costumes, but we managed to

get one shot of him with Cooper's hat on.

Karli loved the beads and resorted to physical violence

to accumulate as many as possible.

Amber said she was "the spirit of Party Gras!"

Amber was the most excited about the celebration. Soon after hearing the phrase "Mardi Gras," she decided that "Party Gras" sounded much better. She sat in the kitchen singing, "Party Gras, Party Gras, Party Party Party Gras!" as loud as she could. She even organized a "Party Gras for the children downstairs" (her own words) so the "grownups could have their own Party Gras". It was darling! I think the holiday is aptly named as well; I probably gained 20 pounds from eating all the yummy food.

I'm Lovin' It

I love this weather! Today the temperature topped off around 60 degrees, I took a quick run through one of the coolest neighborhoods in Alpine without having to push a 100-pound stroller (thanks Rachel and mom!), I could smell the fabulously crisp mountain air all day, and the sun has shined for three days straight. I'm ready for winter to be over, and I'm proud to say that all of the snow on our deck and front yard is gone. Hooray! I love the energizing power of sunshine in February. It works wonders on my annual, post-Christmas, winter doldrums and now I'm even more excited to bust out my sexy red wedges I bought on clearance last summer. Yay for spring!

Global Attack Launched on Attractive Hairstyles by the Intermountain Hair Monster

I grew up in Idaho, land of rodeo queens and white trash deluxe, where the gals' hair was always jacked up higher than the most ostentatious cowboy's truck. That said, I have routinely deemed the infamous western-states-supported hair "bump" an atrocity. I mean, a little volume is good (just ask David Spade and Adam Sandler and their Gap Girls alter-egos), but even if I am inviting the cast of SNL to the party, can we please leave the Coneheads off the list? Honestly, how can anyone find this bump remotely attractive (for the record, I did NOT resize this photo. It remains in its original aspect ratio)?

"Oh my heck...I like, love Bumpits! My hair is getting

higher and my face is looking flatter!"

I rest my case.

Imagine my horror when, tonight, I saw an infomercial for Bumpits. That's right, folks. There is now a patented product designed to eliminate the hours of teasing, ratting, spraying, stuffing (don't laugh, my friends did it with toilet paper and pantyhose filled with batting), pulling, and pinching it takes to achieve this hideous hair phenomenon. I nearly wet my pants!

Since I think I may be one of five women within a 1,000 mile radius who doesn't support or sport the bump, please do not consider this post a personal attack on your style. Were I a bumper, I'd probably jump online and snatch up as many Bumpits as I could to spare my arm muscles the indefinite fatigue caused by the now outdated, aforementioned bumping method.

Happy bumping, everybody!

Hello Again, Awkward Moment

I'm going to take credit for naming "The Awkward Shopping Run-In Phenomenon" even though I know everyone has this happen to them each time they go grocery shopping. Last night, I took Amber and Karli to Smith's and I tried out my new membership to TheGroceryGame.com (it seems promising...I'll keep you posted). A married guy saw my list and asked me how I do the "whole coupon thing" so I told him I had just signed up and didn't really know what I was doing. I gave him the web address, wished him luck, and he thanked me as I walked on.

On the next aisle, there he was, standing right where I needed to go. I pushed my cart to the cake supplies and he overheard me ask Amber what kind of candles she liked for her birthday cake (yes, it's in a month, but I'm such a cake nerd that I like to plan waaaay in advance). He said, "Is someone having a birthday soon? Happy birthday!" We thanked him and moved on.

Then, when I turned the corner to get eggs, there he was again. Lest he seem like a stalker, I must explain that we obviously had the same grocery needs, because he wasn't following us, rather, it appeared that we were following him. I quickly walked past to grab some milk and then proceeded toward the butter. You guessed it: nice married man at twelve o'clock. To avoid another forced and, by this point, completely awkward conversation, I decided I'd go to Costco to buy butter.

So why is it that the laws of the universe dictate that two or more shoppers will inevitably have identical grocery missions at precisely the same time? Why is it so awkward to strike up a new conversation after the initial contact was well-rounded and provided adequate closure given the circumstances? I'll never know, so please share your ideas.

Why Don't Things Just Work Out?

Today has been a day where everything that could go wrong has, with the wonderful exception of our excursion to Chuck E. Cheese's to meet my dear friend Elaine and her three handsome sons (Amber and Miles are betrothed, remember?). Upon waking, I immediately fired up this not-so-trusty, old Clark desktop to print some coupons for the aforementioned outing. Adam turned off the computer last night (despite the continuous use of electricity, I'm willing to pay the price for convenient access to the Web), so I pushed the power button and went to the kitchen to fetch some breakfast. Of course, we were out of milk, because I couldn't go to the grocery store last night because my wonderful, thoughtful, helpful, and conscientious employer informed me three days after I was supposed to receive my February paycheck that they had "permanently switched" our pay day from the 15th to the 20th of each month. Yes, I love the company for which I work (can you sense the sarcasm?).

Fast forward thirty minutes, when I walk back into the office, and the computer still is not ready to go. Three programs that open at start-up are not responding (this is the joy of using someone else's computer...I can't delete the programs or change the settings) and it takes me another twelve minutes to get online. Once I make it to the Chuck E. Cheese website, the computer freezes. All the while, Amber has sharted in her panties and removed them, Rex has produced a major diaper explosion that is leaking onto my pajamas, and Karli managed to smear jam all over herself. Did I mention we all had to be clean and out the door in thirty minutes?

To make matters worse, I absolutely had to send a fax this morning. The fax machine was naturally not working, so I tried to fix the problem. After diagnosing that there was no dial tone, the fax machine instructed me to check the wall jack, which I would have happily done, were it not cloistered behind two massive wall units filled with files, books, kitsch, and office supplies that brought the total weight to at least half a ton. Finally I unplugged the phone, plugged in the fax machine, and was thrilled to have at least one task accomplished.

After the kids bathed and Amber cried for ten minutes because I wouldn't retrieve her clean Belle panties from an undisclosed location downstairs, I jumped in the shower, dressed, and had everyone ready to go at 9:00 a.m., right on schedule. I opened the door and was met with the screeching wail of the alarm which Adam set last night and told me about while I was semi-lucid (of course, I don't recall him saying anything about the alarm). I quickly ran upstairs to find the remote, turned off the alarm, tried to comfort three terrified and screaming children, and herded them all out to the car. I buckled them in and ran inside just to catch the phone call from the security company.

Since I was now late for work, I told them I was Leslie Clark to avoid any further delay. I said I was on my way to work, forgot the alarm was on, and opened the door. The technician said, "Great, I'm glad you're alright. What is your password, please?" Hmmm. I had no clue, so I said I couldn't remember it and that I didn't have time to go find it. I said, "I think it's Granada Hills" to which the technician said, "Okay, thank you." I hopped in the car and answered a call from Leslie, telling me the police were on the way to the house because I gave the security company the wrong password. Thank heavens I have such a great mother-in-law, because she ironed out all the problems and I was finally on my way to work.

Now that I'm all worn out from reliving my morning, I'll refrain from detailing the rest of the day's mishaps, but I will mention that Amber has yet again lost her blankie "for good" (famous last words...this time I'm serious and I'm not making any more!), she's still not asleep, and her room is a disaster because she "was just too busy in" her "room to take a nap". AAARRRGGH!

PSE Idiot

I am finally joining this century and have abandoned my old digital scrapbooking software. My wonderful, tech savvy husband bought me Photoshop Elements for Christmas and I've spent the last two months trying to figure it out. Generally, I can learn software without too much anguish thanks to online tutorials. Since my PC does not have wireless networking capabilities (time for a new one?), and since the home PC that is connected to the Internet is waaaay too incapable of running PSE, I found myself in quite a dilemma everytime I needed to acces PSE Help or find instructions on scrapbooking techniques. Slowly, though, I'm learning and I really love using Photoshop Elements. It's not as hard to learn as Photoshop and I can do many, more-amazing things than I could with my old software. Now all I have to do is catch up...I'm only behind by four months. I see a marathon scrapbooking session in my future; anyone want to babysit?

Mega-Massive Monster Meldown

Well, it happened. I should be glad that it took this long to occur, but I'm not. I'm talking about the ultra-fits that everyone else's kids throw right in the middle of a crowded store, and the darn parents don't take their screaming, slobbering child to the car immediately to spare humanity the gross annoyance of said fit. I AM THAT PARENT! I'm so ashamed!

Amber, Karli, Rex and I ventured to Kid 2 Kid (after my lucrative drawer de-clutter, I had lots of cute things to sell) which was swamped to the gills with parents and children. Since it is such a chore to even get all four of us out the door, I waged the war and decided to stick out our shopping trip despite the crowd. After convincing the workers to look at my stuff (I didn't know appointments are necessary), I hunkered down with a massive laundry basket to accommodate my ridiculous shopping habit of taking everything remotely interesting off the rack and carrying it around with me until the moment of truth arrives and I sort through all of the possibilities.

I found a bunch of darling things for all three kids, all new, and dirt cheap. Amber and Karli ran right over to the book section and removed every single tome from the shelves, spread them all over the floor, and made a gigantic mess of the entire west wall. Amber had it in her mind that she would procure a Belle dress on this trip despite several reminders from me and Adam that she would not be getting one (her birthday is in three weeks, after all). Upon realizing the Belle dresses remained unperused and that I was nearing the end of my procurement phase of shopping (meaning a graceful exit from the store was immanent), she whined, "Mom, can I pleeeeaaase get a Belle dress?" I said, "Before I even consider looking at them, you and Karli need to pick up the books."

She immediately started crying and screaming "I can't do it! You have to help me...right now!" complete with the foot stomps, attitude...the whole routine. I calmly said, "Honey, you can do it. Start with the biggest book and pick it up and put it on the shelf." Then it really got bad. Amber has a completely resonant, high-pitched, glass-shattering wail which she loosed at that very moment and I could actually see every person's arm hair stand straight on end. I carefully put my hands on her shoulders and explained to her that her behavior was unacceptable, she'd have to go to the car if she kept it up, and that there was absolutely no way she'd get anything if she didn't stop right then. Alas, my rational attempts were futile and I knew that a trip to the car was necessary. I was, however, guilt ridden because of the humongous pile of clothes I garnered without being able to re-rack and I was selfishly attached to my one moment of "free" shopping, so I quickly began returning items to their places and futilely shushing Amber all the while.

I stashed the items I planned to buy under a rack of clothes and gingerly marched the kids to the car (I'm almost certain I heard applause coming from the store...). I buckled them in, locked the doors, and returned to the store to complete my transaction (don't call Protective Services, the car was parked right in front of the store and I had full view of the kids the whole time). My face was flaming red, my body temperature was now at least ten degrees above normal, and my neck hurt from all the tension. I thought my problems were over, but I was soooo wrong!

Amber unbuckled her seat belt and proceeded to remove all of her clothing. She was still screaming and wailing, so everyone in the store could hear/see her. I already felt terrible for leaving my kids in the car unattended, but darn it, I was going to buy those clothes! Then, she climbed into the front seat and pressed the horn repeatedly. Keep in mind that the car was at most twenty feet from the cash register, and every single person in that store was staring at me and Amber. I asked the worker if they bought naughty kids to sell to other people and she said, "Well, I can't have kids, so sometimes I think I'd even take the naughty ones." She wasn't trying to be mean, but I felt even worse! The very moment the exchange was complete, I raced to the car, buckled an undie-clad Amber in her seat, threw her baby wolf in the trunk (ahhh...leverage), and raced out of the parking lot.

Poor Karli and Rex; they were so quiet and angelic during the whole episode. I had to blast the stereo during the whole ride home to drown out Amber's hellish wails and I think the others may have lost their hearing due to hyper-decibel-ism. I couldn't even function for the rest of the day because I was so exhausted. I've learned my lesson, though: no article of clothing is worth suffering through something like that. At the very hint of a future fit, I'm heading straight to the car and finding sanctuary.

A Shameful Admission

I can't believe I'm even saying this, for so many reasons, but tonight I got an adrenaline high from cleaning the house. I guess it's a sign that my life really is lacking excitement, but after doing dishes, sweeping (for the fourth time today) and mopping the kitchen, helping the girls clean their room, scrubbing the tub, folding a mountain of laundry, and removing ill-fitting clothing from my kids' drawers, I felt a huge surge of endorphins and thought, "Wow...I feel really great, and look at everything I've accomplished with kids around!" Then, I immediately blushed and thought, "I'm such a housewife...I need to work out/get out more if cleaning makes me feel this way." Oh well. I actually do like being a Mormon housewife, so I'll take a high any way I can get it!

A Rough Day

Amber has discovered the process of testing her boundaries, and it's testing my and Adam's boundaries as well (I'm actually proud...I think I've done an okay job dealing with her new found defiance). Today was the worst day thus far. As I tried desperately to sneak in a marathon dishwashing session to the delightful strains of "Little Einsteins" (usually a great entertainer of the children, but not today), Amber and Karli sneakily disappeared upstairs and left me and Annie to our own rendition of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Adam made the discovery: an entire roll of toilet paper unwound and strategically wrapped around the inside of the toilet bowl in a striking rosette pattern, completely saturated, and on the verge of decomposition.

Of course, I had to reach in and fish out the soggy mass. Eeew. Adam sent the girls to bed and gave them explicit instructions to stay put or pay the price. That price would be the always useful "blankie-in-the-garbage" routine. After three ventures from her bed and three more warnings, Adam took Amber's blanket and threw it away. It was sad, too, because he kept pleading with her to not be disobedient because he didn't want to have to toss the blankie. Amber didn't quite get it, though, and she kept getting out of bed and losing everything she held dear. I garnered quite a pile of stuffed animals, her fuzzy robe, a cotton ball, a pom pom, and several other tactile items before she finally realized we were serious.

The last time she got out of bed (it was legitimate--a potty trip), I was fixing my hair. She sobbed, "Mom, I really, really, really miss my blankie!" to which I replied, "I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way, but Dad and I are serious when we tell you to stay in your bed when you get in trouble." She slowly wrapped both arms around my leg, laid her head against my hip, and sobbed, "I love you so much, mommy!"

My eyes immediately welled up and I tried super hard not to cave. It was so precious! I picked her up and told her I loved her so much, too, that she was still in trouble, and that we could snuggle after she took a nap. Four hours later, she woke up a new woman, and Adam confessed that he had not thrown away blankie, but was hiding it for several days until Amber proves she can be an obedient child. Hopefully I can remain strong throughout Amber's brilliant exercises in manipulation and darling expressions of love. I have a feeling this is only a mild incident of what we are in for for the next twenty years!

Pick Me! Pick Me!

Since I'm always looking for excitement and adventure, I applied for "The Greatest Job in the World". In case you haven't heard about this job, Tourism Queensland is offering a position of Island Caretaker. The selected employee will experience all the tourism events on and around Hamilton Island (on the Great Barrier Reef) and will keep a blog and video journal for six months. That's right, I applied to move to Australia. I hope I make the cut!

TQ will choose ten candidates, and an eleventh candidate is chosen as a wild-card applicant from the website. The video with the most popular votes wins the wild-card position. If you have time, I'd appreciate your vote on my video. You can vote here.

I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up. After all, there are already nearly 10,000 applicants from all over the world. It would be great fun, though, so I'm willing to give it a shot. BTW, if I get the job, you are all more than welcome to come to Australia to visit me and the fish!

Cinderella, Aurora, Belle, and Drama Queen?

Amber and Karli have only seen "Snow White" one time; I watched it with them and was horrified by the morbid theme. Hence, the girls are much more familiar with the fairly happy, romantic tales of "Cinderella," "Sleeping Beauty," and "Beauty and the Beast." Today Karli found a Snow White sticker and said, "Look Mom! I found a Drama Queen sticker!" Now does everyone know what I call my two little princesses?

The First Word is a Good One

Rex learned his first word and it's adorable! Yesterday we were getting ready for another cheer competition. The girls, Rex, and I were upstairs while Adam ran down to get something. Rex crawled over to the railing and yelled out, "Daaaa!" Adam came over and said, "Did you say 'dad'?" and Rex jumped up and down and squealed with delight. He has asked for "Daaaa" several times this weekend and it's just darling!

Stranger than Fiction

Here's the ulitmate word verification: I'm sure you recall my post about implants a few days ago. Kacey left a comment and guess what the word verification was...boobpla. Can you believe it? Crazy. That's even better than the rearbear verification I wrote about a few weeks ago. I think the techie nerds at blogger.com are reading my blog and I'm flattered.

Give a Cheer for No More Scouts!

Hip hip hooray! Adam and I were released from scouts today, which means I'm only one more den meeting away from a major relief of stress. I kind of feel like a schmuck for complaining so much about my calling, but honestly, I tried my hardest and couldn't do a good job. First, the BSA requires two leaders at each meeting. Adam has a class every day right during our den meeting, so that was impossible to achieve. Second, we had a nightly meeting every week of the month which, without a car (ours is parked at the U outside the law school building from 4 until 10 each night), was quite a chore to attend. Third, we can't afford to pay babysitters and all of our family members are occupied on meeting nights. I think the bishop felt a major surge of pity when he saw me tromp into the church last week for pack meeting bundled in a coat, scarf, and gloves, pushing my snow-covered double stroller with Rex and Karli bundled in it and Amber tagging along, bundled up and crying because she slipped four times on the trek down the icy sidewalks. It took us five minutes to un-bundle everyone and we got to sit right behind the bishop so he could hear every single whine, request for drink/snack/potty break/blankie/movie/etc.

I am now pleased to be the bulletin coordinator for the ward. This will be a fantastic calling that I can do via email...the perfect way for a dorky blogger to contribute! I'm super excited because I get to to the bulletin boards at the church building, too. It will be a welcome change.

A Great Memory

Tonight while enjoying another early bedtime for everyone in the house but me (yay!), I was working on the computer and listening to some of my favorite music. "Your Song" by Elton John came on and it conjured up so many great memories of when Adam and I were newlyweds and we lived in St. George. We would drive to Vegas frequently to hang around, eat cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory, shop for lingerie, see the sights on the Strip, and get burgers at In-n-Out. It was great fun to be able to pick up on a whim and hit the town. My favorite part of our jaunts was watching the Bellagio fountains that were choreographed to "Your Song". Standing there in the dark, watching beautiful scenes, hearing great music, and being with my sweetie was fabulous!

Mortification and/or Comedy

I was lucky enough (or I guess some could consider me unfortunate, depending on the perspective) to have the video camera handy when the girls helped me organize the gingerbread boy and girl Christmas tree ornaments the other day. Please note that Adam and I take every possible measure to ensure complete privacy as we consort, but for this I don't even have words...

Summer in a Bottle

I'm talking about OPI's Koala Bear-y nail polish. It's fantastic! I was feeling a little blah due to the toxic valley air (thank you, inversion) and the usual January doldrums, but as soon as I brushed this vibrant formula onto my toenails and fingernails...voila! I felt at least ten pounds skinnier and ten degrees warmer. I highly recommend it because it's oh-so-hot. I think I need to go to Mexico to show it off. I would have posted pictures, but something is wrong with my computer (of course). Hopefully I'll be able to post some soon. Cha cha cha!

The Silver Lining

I don't know how this happened, but maybe some heavenly host knew I needed some good news after the crazy compeition day. Both of my teams finished in second place! What the...? I didn't think they'd place at all, and they actually improved in rank from the last competition. Hooray! Despite all the problems and annoyances at the event, I am so proud of my darling little students for working as hard as they do. They are all so sweet and adorable and it is very rewarding to see them progress. Flaaaaaaash All Stars! Yeah!

Serenity Now!

Frank Costanza says it best when he screams, "Serenity now!" in the middle of a stressful situation. I'm going to start doing this as well, since I clearly need a mechanism for coping with stress. This morning we had a cheerleading competition that turned out to be a disaster. Here's a recap:

6:30 a.m. Wake up, shower, burn CD of competition music
7:00 a.m. Put the kids in the tub, construct four messy buns, find four white socks, head downstairs
8:00 a.m. Attempt to get the kids to eat
8:10 a.m. Listen to CD four times to verify proper working order...check!
8:31 a.m. Don shoes and coats, grab gigantic diaper bag full of baby gear, cheerleading gear, children's entertainment items, food, etc.
8:45 a.m. Load three carseats into my mom's Suburban, hit the road
9:30 a.m. Arrive at competition, register, and enjoy one last moment of peace and quiet
9:55 a.m. Escort twelve two-to-four-year-olds through a maze of screaming tweens, cranky and obsessive parents, and idiotic competition staff members to the practice gym for warm-up
9:56 a.m. Answer Adam's call to tell him where to be to watch the competition while helping six Tiny Tot cheerleaders build a pyramid
9:58 a.m. Answer Adam's call to tell him to wait outside and I'll find him and give him his ticket
9:59 a.m. Get kicked off the practice mat before our turn is over because the competition is ahead of schedule and we're supposed to be on the performance mat in the other gym
10:00 a.m. Drag my two crying daughters and ten other cheerleaders to the performance gym and run onto the mat
10:01 a.m. Convince all twelve girls to assemble in their formation instead of standing right next to each other
10:02 a.m. Start the music, do the routine in front of the mat, instantly freak out when the music stops playing halfway through
10:03 a.m. Coax all twelve girls to finish the routine even though the music has stopped
10:05 a.m. Head out to the commons to find Adam standing there, missing his Bar prep class, waiting for his ticket so he can watch his daughters perform (who had just performed)
10:06 a.m. Fight back tears for being a crappy wife while explaining to seven frustrated moms that I don't know what happened to the music
10:07 a.m. Assemble 12 Mini cheerleaders and escort them through a maze of screaming tweens, cranky and obsessive parents, and idiotic competition staff members
10:15 a.m. Realize my practice stereo won't work and take the Mini cheerleaders through their routine twice without music (no stunts hit, they couldn't remember their formations, and we didn't know which way we would face in the gym)
10:20 a.m. Run on the mat and direct traffic to get everyone in their proper places
10:21 a.m. Kneel down and flail frantically while trying to get the cheerleaders to catch up with their music
10:22 a.m. Music stops again; girls run around with no clue of what to do while I'm whisper-screaming "Keep going! Keep going!"
10:23 a.m. Fight back tears again
10:24 a.m. Leave the gym, move to commons to regroup
10:25 a.m. Face four more frustrated moms and secretly avoid one mom on purpose (what can I say...I'm a wimp!)
10:45 a.m. Move three carseats from the Suburban to our Honda, pack the double stroller, the gigantic diaper bag, the broken stereo, and a bag of 48 pom poms into the trunk while listening to three kids whining and crying
11:00 a.m. Head for home with an immense stress headache
11:37 a.m. Adam (who hasn't slept for 36 hours) falls asleep while driving and we narrowly escape a wreck
11:43 a.m. Walk through the door and contemplate faking a collapse from exhaustion a la Paris Hilton and/or Mariah Carey
2:40 p.m. Blog about it for some well-deserved therapy and closure

A Very Strange and Distrubing Dream

I fell asleep while lying down by Karli tonight. I don't know what conditions manifested in my subconscious to produce such a weird combination of ideas and occurrences, but the result was a truly disturbing dream that had me awake and nervous after only an hour of sleep. Hence, I sit at the computer for some blog-therapy since I don't want to risk having another dream like that, ever. It was way too creepy and involved me as a volunteer at a mental hospital where my patient slowly turned into a character who looked like Gollum on Lord of the Rings and became more weird and invasive every day. This thing, named Zoal, had problems that started showing up in my own kids and eventually, everyone with whom I associated at the hospital was suffering from Zoal's afflictions. Add to this the presence of several of my cheer students wearing sparkly, royal blue leotards and tutus and you'll know the level of my psychosis. Shudder.

Yes, I AM Getting Implants

Someday soon! If you are TMI-phobic, then read no more. I weaned Rex over the past month and can safely say that my upper body has finally settled into its postpartum shape (or shapeless, in this case). The metamorphasis must be done now because frankly, there is nothing else left to disappear. It is completely depressing and has me wondering if breastfeeding really is worth the sacrifice. I wasn't even this small in ninth grade! For consolation, I guess I'll just dream about being on the show Dr. 90210 (Dr. Li is my hero!). I can lead a rich fantasy life, right?

Clark Family Phrase-ology

Obviously, my kids say some pretty funny things. Lately the girls have employed some very entertaining phrases (not quite as entertaining as the expletive described in the previous post, but still...). Here are just a few:

Natalie: Karli, you need to come take a bath right now.
Karli: Mom, I do not have time for this stuff!

(Music playing, Amber and Natalie are dancing and Natalie lies down to rest...what an old fogie)
Amber: Mom, get up right now!
Natalie: Just let me rest for one second. I'm kind of dizzy.
Amber: But mom, we need to do a booty dance!

Karli (while watching the movie Aquamarine): I love it when Raymond takes off his shirt.

These Damn Kids

I know what you're thinking...and no, it isn't the case. This is not my statement. It is Amber's. That's right...adorable, sweet, three-year-old Amber. Today at her cheer class, the Drama Queen herself emerged from Amber's usually pleasant personality, and as the other students ran in front of her to head to the drinking fountain, she screamed out, "I AM SO SICK OF THESE DAMN KIDS!" I instantly started laughing for two reasons: 1. I'm sure I've said that about my own kids at some point and Amber remembered it, and 2. My mom had the most horrified look on her face. It was priceless and hilarious and totally embarassing. Looks like Adam and I had better watch our mouths.

So Close...DARN IT!

I am a huge nerd when it comes to radio contests (among other things, obviously); I'll listen to a radio station all day long for weeks to win something I want. I support my concert habit this way; I've won tickets to Hootie and the Blowfish, 98 Degrees, and Enrique Iglesias through my dorky dedication to radio. In this case, I wanted to win Rascal Flatts tickets from KBUL 93. They're having a contest where they play a clip of a Rascal Flatts song backwards. The 13th caller gets a crack at guessing the song to win tickets.

This morning while driving home from work, I heard the clip and figured it was "While You Loved Me." I tried calling but didn't make the cut and forgot all about it. Then, around two o'clock this afternoon, I heard the prompt to call and dialed away. After six busy signals, I got through and was caller 13! I couldn't believe my luck. I get all giddy and nervous and excited about things like this, so my heart was pounding and I was desperately trying to ignore the three screaming tykes in the back seat so I could focus. The DJ played three different clips of the song, which didn't sound like "While You Loved Me", but I was so nervous that I just blurted out that title.

He said, "Is that your final answer?" so I said, "YES!" and he said......"Oh. No. I'm so sorry!" As soon as I agreed that the title offered was my final answer, I realized the song was "Mayberry". I hurriedly said, "Wait! Is it 'Mayberry'?" to which the DJ responded, "I'm not allowed to tell you, but that's an excellent guess!" BLAST! It was "Mayberry" and I missed my chance to go to the concert because I was starstruck and suffering from Mom-Related-Inability-To-Concentrate Syndrome. At least I won a free RF c.d. as a consolation prize. Maybe next time.

Something Fun to Try

My friend Liz made this into a tag on her blog; if you're interested, try it...it's pretty fun! Go to Google Images and type in your name. Then, post a few of the pictures. Here are a few of the other Natalie Clarks on the web:

Back to the Old Song and Dance

Just when I thought our nights of having random leftovers from the fridge and freezer for dinner because Adam was at a night class were over, suddenly we're reliving them thanks to the 4-hour-a-night Bar prep course he's taking at the U of U. It's pretty sad that just because my picky husband is gone, I make my kids suffer through dinner after dinner of freezer-burned miscellany in hopes of digging out the ice-encrusted contents to one day find the actual shelves. One of my major personality traits (flaws?) is that I hate to waste anything, so even if it's barely palatable, I'll fix it for the three of us girls. Tonight, we had a gourmet selection of pizza pockets, chicken and edamame stir fry with ginger sauce and several unidentifiable veggies, tomato soup with saltine crackers, and cold cereal (my meal of choice). I guess on the bright side, Adam will think his usual, in-class dinner of Pepsi and a Snickers bar is haute cuisine. I can't wait for the Bar exam to be over!

1989 Called...

...and they want their chandelier back. By all means, they are welcome to have it. Leslie recently found a killer deal on two new chandeliers for the entry and the dining room, and thank the heavens! The only complaint I could ever have about this truly gorgeous house were the ridiculous, too-small-Wendover-casino-imitation-luxury-brass-plated-white-trash-fabulous fixtures installed in its two grandest spaces. Seriously, whoever picked out the original lighting should be crucified at the hands of any remotely knowledgeable HGTV viewer. So, for your viewing pleasure, I proudly offer the before...

Oh, the horror! Make it go away!

...and the after. Much, much better. Fantastic, even!

I never believed the real estate gurus who swear that updating light fixtures adds mega value to a home until today. The new fixtures look amazing in real life (my feeble photography equipment and lack of skill just don't do them justice) and I could sit and look at them all day.

All Hail the Victorious Utes!

January 2, 2009 will go down in the Clark Annals of History as the best day of Utah football thus far. The Utah Utes beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl! Do you understand how huge that is? Alabama was ranked #1 in the BCS for half of the season! All I can say is that the Utes rock, big time.

Kristi, Jake, Kinzie and Whitney came over to watch the game (what a great way to spend their second anniversary, huh?!) with our family and Greg and Leslie. We were all rooting for the Utes, but Adam, Jake and I seemed to be the most passionate fans of the bunch. Our team didn't disappoint; the first quarter was the most explosive I've seen and it was marvelous to see Barry Switzer eat his words.

This was a sweet play...just like the whole game! Playoff series and number one in the nation...here we come.

All of the kids had fun wearing Kinzie's Utes wig. Isn't red a marvelous color?

Bowling Is Our Favorite Sport

Lest you think Adam and I suddenly plunged into the twilight years of our lives or have suddenly become undeniably dorky, I mean bowl-game-watching. Yes, I am a couch potato when it comes to college football season, but I'm finding solace in my ability to stand and eat and, once in a while, jump excitedly off the couch with both of my fists clenched in reaction to a bad call or a really great play (my inner cheerleader is still alive and well) at any moment during any game. The past week has been full of great football, great food, and great fun at our house.

We cheered for Michigan State and were disappointed when they lost, but the game did make for a darling photo op. Just so you know...Adam didn't wear his MSU shirt because the game was on. He happened to wear it to bed the night before and was on his way to take a shower when I snapped this picture. Rex, on the other hand, planned his outfit carefully (read: mom is a nerd and made him wear it...go Spartans!).

Here's another darling (and planned) wardrobe-coordination moment. The Utah/Alabama Sugar Bowl was an event second in importance only to Christmas in the Clark household. We looked forward to this game for thirty-six days and are still savoring the sweet taste of victory!

Rexy and I snuggled up for some great football action. Too bad he was sick because I don't think he (or I...those sneezes and nose wipings never stop!) enjoyed the game as much as we would have otherwise.

The kids all looked darling decked out in their Utes apparel. Amber even had a red hair extension braided into her ponytail. We are red-blooded and proud of it. Go Utes!

I Swear That Kid Could Poop an Ornament

It's not just a line from "Bruce Almighty"...it really happened a few days ago. Rex is fully mobile now, so he has made his way across the floor of our house many a time, picking up and ingesting any sort of foreign object he finds along the way.

The other day, he had a stinky diaper, so I laid him down and began the oh-so-awful process of changing him. After I wiped off the offensive matter, I noticed a small, silver shard of what looked like tinsel still stuck to his (please pardon the graphic nature of the following statement, but it's imperative to the plot) rectal area. I grabbed a fresh wipe, fashioned a modified glove, and proceeded to grab the silver tinsel to remove it. To my horror, it was not just a shard. I pulled and pulled and pulled and the result was a streamer about 13 inches long! It came right out of his bum!

Can you believe it? I couldn't. How did he swallow that whole length of streamer without choking? It was a horrific and hilarious sight to behold. I think it's safe to say that Rex took the holiday celebrations a bit too far this year.

Merry, Merry Hangovers

I had so much fun getting ready for Christmas this year because Amber and Karli were actually excited about Santa Claus, and they seem to understand the purpose for the holiday, which makes it even better. I got to shop for our kids this year (after three very lean years of law-student budgets, it was grand) and I made them some cute little pajama pants to accompany the darling turquoise robes and t-shirts my mom found for the girls. Rex discovered candy canes in his stocking and decided to help himself--they are his new favorite--and the girls have spent the day playing with their Snap n' Style dolls, Princess Polly Pockets, and doodle boards while gorging on oodles of yummy junk food.
My role as Mrs. Claus kept me up way past my bedtime many a night over the past month, which explains my zombie-like state of semi-lucidity today. That said, I'm off to bed early tonight to enjoy the feeling of having nothing else to do for a few moments. Whew. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!