Sure Was a Crappy Day

Today started out great: Karli used the potty twice, Amber let me cut three inches off her perpetually tangled hair, and Rex actually got bathed. I did the dishes right after breakfast (a rare and exciting accomplishment) and we were all ready to go by noon. We drove over the mountain, through Suncrest, to enjoy the spectacular views on the way to Sandy for some administrative errands to complete Adam's Bar exam application, and were delighted to find out that he has no speeding tickets left on his driving record. Since the day was going so well, we decided to visit a park where Adam used to play as a kid. It had a great playground with lots of old school equipment like a dinosaur-shaped climbing apparatus and a teeter totter with horses for seats.

As Adam and I sat on the bench watching the girls frolic, we noticed that Amber kept digging at her perma-wedgie (she recently grew about four inches and needs a bigger size in undies...that's on my to-do list). Finally, she settled down on a swing and I said, "Do you keep getting wedgies?" As calmly as can be, she replied, "No. I did poops in my panties." and kept right on swinging like nothing was wrong. When I said, "You can't be serious," she said, "I am serious. I pooped in my panties." ARRRRRGGGHHHH!

I suddenly noticed that the whole back side of her shorts was brown, meaning the mess had seeped through the undies and shorts, and was inching its way up her back and front. I hate to be graphic, but this was not the kind of mess that can be dumped into a toilet. I had to throw away her panties and shorts, and it took an entire package of wipes (brand new this morning) to clean her off. Aside from covering her whole lower trunk, she had it on her hands (from digging out the wedgies, of course), legs and feet, and I honestly had to bite my lip to keep from throwing up everywhere. I was fighting back tears, too, because poop and vomit duty are two areas of motherhood that I just can't handle.

Finally, Amber was barely clean enough to be buckled in her carseat, and we made our way to the nearest McDonald's to use the soap and sink. I walked in with Amber who was sporting an adorable little white tunic, a tiny diaper (Rex's), filthy feet, and poopy flip-flops. I was expecting at any moment to be handed a large, gold-plated figurine of Jerry Springer with the title "White Trash Citizen of the Year" carved into it (courtesy of a pocket knife or car key) by any one of the six soccer moms with darling and sparkling-clean-karate-student children who were all sitting right by the door. Eventually, Amber took a makeshift bath in the sink and was thoroughly soaped down, so we headed on our way.

The story only gets better (worse for us, though)...today is my niece's birthday, so we quickly ran home to grab new undies and shorts for Amber before I needed to be dropped off at the gym where I teach. Adam and the kids then went out to Kinzi's house for her surprise party. Upon calling Adam for a ride home, he said, "Amber just peed all over the place and through her underwear and shorts!" What the $%#&!? Twice in one day?! What have we done wrong?

After a long, calm discussion between Amber and Dad (I was too disgusted and annoyed to say anything), we realized that Amber is feeling really bad that Karli gets a treat every time she uses the potty and Amber only gets them occasionally. Amber also told me that she felt sad all day because when I lay down by her last night, I turned my head toward Karli instead of her and that she "kind of doesn't like it when I yell at her so much because it makes little kids hide because they are scared of yelling moms and grown-ups." I listened intently and tried not to laugh and cry at the same time, and desperately hoped that tomorrow will be a day free from yelling and accidents involving bodily waste.