I Swear That Kid Could Poop an Ornament

It's not just a line from "Bruce Almighty"...it really happened a few days ago. Rex is fully mobile now, so he has made his way across the floor of our house many a time, picking up and ingesting any sort of foreign object he finds along the way.

The other day, he had a stinky diaper, so I laid him down and began the oh-so-awful process of changing him. After I wiped off the offensive matter, I noticed a small, silver shard of what looked like tinsel still stuck to his (please pardon the graphic nature of the following statement, but it's imperative to the plot) rectal area. I grabbed a fresh wipe, fashioned a modified glove, and proceeded to grab the silver tinsel to remove it. To my horror, it was not just a shard. I pulled and pulled and pulled and the result was a streamer about 13 inches long! It came right out of his bum!

Can you believe it? I couldn't. How did he swallow that whole length of streamer without choking? It was a horrific and hilarious sight to behold. I think it's safe to say that Rex took the holiday celebrations a bit too far this year.

Merry, Merry Hangovers

I had so much fun getting ready for Christmas this year because Amber and Karli were actually excited about Santa Claus, and they seem to understand the purpose for the holiday, which makes it even better. I got to shop for our kids this year (after three very lean years of law-student budgets, it was grand) and I made them some cute little pajama pants to accompany the darling turquoise robes and t-shirts my mom found for the girls. Rex discovered candy canes in his stocking and decided to help himself--they are his new favorite--and the girls have spent the day playing with their Snap n' Style dolls, Princess Polly Pockets, and doodle boards while gorging on oodles of yummy junk food.
My role as Mrs. Claus kept me up way past my bedtime many a night over the past month, which explains my zombie-like state of semi-lucidity today. That said, I'm off to bed early tonight to enjoy the feeling of having nothing else to do for a few moments. Whew. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Christmas 2008

We definitely had a very, merry Christmas this year. It was busy, but very fun to be with family. Leslie bought some cute costumes for the kids to wear as they acted out the Nativity story on Christmas Eve. Amber and Karli were angels, Gracie was Mary, and Kinzie (bless her heart) was Joseph, complete with robe, head dress, and beard. She was amazing! It was darling to see the kids act out their respective parts.

Doesn't Kinzie look thrilled? She was such a good sport.

Cooper and Rex were way too cool to be a part of any organized activity, so the girls made the show go on without the two boys. Gracie obviously wanted no part of the post-performance photo shoot.

On Christmas morning, Rex loved feasting on the contents of everyone's stocking, including lip gloss, oranges with peels, baby food, candy canes, crayons, and coloring books.

Here is Karli's nighttime ensemble. Isn't it darling? I was really happy with the way the pajama pants turned out. I didn't have a pattern, so I had to wing it. The purchased robes and cute shirts made the effort of sewing for a few hours worth it.

The girls spent hours playing with their princess Polly Pockets. I joined them for a bit and it was grand to play with dolls again. I guess I loved it more than playing dress up with my real little girls because the dolls don't protest. He he he.

I'm International, Baby

I'm thrilled and flattered: I now have an international blog reader (that I know of, I mean...he he he). My sister Allison is in Copenhagen on a mission, and she met a cool gal named Mette. I found Mette on Facebook and now we are virtual friends, for which I am grateful and very happy. Welcome to my madness, Mette!

Olfaction and Sophistication

Karli has recently discovered that she can smell things and it's very entertaining to wath her squint her eyes, wrinkle up her nose, take a big whiff of the odor du jour and implore, "What is that smell like?" She's learning that her ability to use the potty and leave the terrible odor in the bathroom where it belongs is actually a good thing (ahh...brilliant!), and that cookies baking in the oven is one of the most joyful fragrances on earth.

Today, she came downstairs dressed all by herself in her favorite pajamas, holding the magnificent night light pilfered from Crown Plaza hotel by a dear friend, and said, "Mom, I've changed the green light in my room several times." I said, "Oh, really? How many times did you change it?" "Several times." she said matter-of-factly. It was so cute.

Potty training seems to have been the magic event in Karli's life; she suddenly grew up when she told me she wasn't going to wear diapers any more. It's so nice to have one baby and two "big girls" who can play together, clean up after themselves (once in a while), and with whom I can have rather interesting conversations.

It's Definitely Innuendo

If you read my post a few weeks ago about the crazy word verifications I keep finding when I leave comments on my friends' blogs, here's the mother of them all (now I know the geeks are plotting and laughing their heads off). I just had to type this word when I commented on Tiffany's blog: rearbear. Nice.

The Hands of a Hard-Working Desert Dweller

Since they are truly a horrifying sight to behold, I've refrained from posting a picture of my poor, scaly, and utterly-cracked hands. I've always had trouble with dry skin (especially in these wonderful winter climates), but this year seems to be the worst ever. At this moment, I have 31 cuts/cracks on my hands, and despite my best efforts, they will not heal. I couldn't even buckle my kids in their car seats today because my skin hurt too badly. Yikes, huh?! Vaseline and socks at night doesn't fix the problem, nor does Amlactin or Eucerin. Does anyone have a solution to this woe? I'm desperate!

Adorable Futility

Read the previous post and you'll know why I needed twelve tiaras today. What you won't find out is how the original, "real" tiaras made of rhinestones that I ordered two weeks ago didn't even get shipped, so I pulled an all-nighter crafting these beauties from random hosehold items. The process took seven hours, and considering how nothing seemed to go right regarding uniforms for my two teams' competition today, genereated a grand amount of frustration and grumbling. I cut the marquis parts from foam core with an Exacto knife (yikes...my fingers are blistered), hot glued them to some ghetto headbands from the grocery store, added wire loops for bobby pins, wrapped the bands with silver ribbon, and dipped the marquis sections in glue and glitter. I was thoroughly proud of my finished product and put-out by the process (my ability to pull all-nighters left me shortly after I became pregnant with Amber), but once the gals had the tiaras on their heads, it was worth it. They looked so cute!

Moments before my team was to run onto the mat to compete, the competition "boss" came over and informed me that cheerleaders were not allowed to wear tiaras; we had two choices: take them off or receive a 5-point-per-judge penalty. So I frantically grabbed three moms and we ripped the tiaras off as fast as we could, making some of the cheerleaders cry...not because it hurt their heads, but because they wanted to be bling-ed out for the competition. I was really glad I went to all the trouble to make those darn things!

Cheery Little Princesses

Amber and Karli participated in their first cheer competition today and they did a great job! I coach their team, the Flash All Stars Tiny Tots, and their routine has a princess theme. I mixed the music with selections from "Drama Queen" by Lindsay Lohan, "Lip Gloss" by 'Lil Mama, and "Happy Working Song" from the Enchanted soundtrack. The uniforms are extra princess-y thanks to those adorable tutus under the skirts, plenty of rhinestones, and some cute tiaras. All twelve of my students looked absolutely darling and they got a standing ovation from the crowd (sympathy ovations are just as good as any, right?).

Since I was running around like a mad woman, trying to arrange everyone's tiara, pass out uniforms (gotta love the last-minute operation I get sucked into by my boss), keep Karli from throwing a fit, direct moms, apply lipstick to twelve little mouths, etc., I didn't actually have time to tape or photograph the routine in progress. The team suffered a bit of stage fright, and made some dazzling improvisations to the choreography, but all in all, they were so cute and tried their hardest and it was one of my proudest moments to date.

Here are the pretty princesses after the competition; Karli couldn't wait to have her hair taken out of those two messy buns. She hates having her hair fixed any way but "like Madeline's". They are also missing their tiaras...those really complete the look (even more than the pirate smiles seen here).
Karli seemed to be intimidated by all the commotion, but when she ran out on the floor to compete, she was a star! I was so thrilled that she did a great job (she's the youngest in her class and still gets a bit distracted once in a while).

Amber looked adorable with her cherry red lipstick, mascara, blush, and tiara on. She kept checking herself out and shaking her booty, and saying, "Oh! I look fancy!". It was darling! She and Karli both sang "Happy Working Song" at the top of their lungs during the routine at the competition. I'm telling you...these kids are talented. They sing and dance (Disney Channel, here they come), which is probably why they won third place. Not too shabby for a bunch of first-timers!

Grundy County, Here I Come

I've purchased a few items on eBay and must admit that each time I place the last-minute highest bid, I get a huge rush. Is that bad? I feel like I may be on the road to some serious shopping addiction problems, because not only do I get a major dose of satisfaction from buying a product, I get all jazzed about winning the bidding war. It's a compound problem. Do I need an intervention? I'll pass for now, thank you, and enjoy my cloistered love for competitive buying.

Since the item I purchased is a Christmas gift for a loved one, I'll post a picture of it and give details about the absolutely killer deal (75% off retail for a new-in-box item) I got on December 26th. I hope I can contain my excitement about said gift until Christmas. I think this episode is even more exciting to me than when I was a child awaiting Santa's arrival. I'm such a nerd!

Almost Three in a Row

The wondrous day has finally arrived...moms know what I'm talking about; the day your potty-training toddler suddenly decides diapers are for babies and wants nothing more to do with them. Karli has been in the potty-training process for about six months now, having on again/off again spells, but for the last two days, she's used the potty every time! Can I get a witness? I'm about to do a back flip!
Aside from one major poop-in-the-pants incident yesterday (which ultimately wasn't that bad because I just threw away the undies, the pants, the shirt, and the socks...it's true...I cannot handle bodily byproducts), I haven't had to change her for a full 56 hours. Now that she's grasped this newfound source of independence, her tantrums have nearly stopped, and she's using words to express needs instead of baby pterodactyl-style shrieks. Maybe I'll go join a robe-wearin', hallelujah-shoutin', Heaven-praisin' congregation so I can fully express my joy. This is certainly a glorious event!

One of Those Days

Can someone please remind me that it IS fun to have a never-ending, thankless job? :)

It's Not Creativity...It's Using My Resources

I've always been a wish-list maker and a major catalogue freak, and I'm proud to say that my girls are taking after their mama. Each week when the "all-new" Pottery Barn Kids catalogue arrives (that's our fave), we hunker down to carefully examine each page and decide what we'd buy if we had infinite income to support what could be very healthy shopping habits. We all fell in love with these stockings; Amber and Karli were especially excited to see the ice skate stocking (they actually think the sled stocking with the doll is an ice skate, so that's what we call it) and begged to have one for themselves.

Me, being the ultra-frugal, wanna-be Martha, decided to try making some because the PBK version ran a steep $33 each once monogramed. Here is my finished product; although I wish I would have sprung for felt-by-the-yard to make the actual bodies of the stockings, I'm proud to report that I made all five for only $10.78 and about three hours of work. I think I'm going to carefully remove the embellishments from these and add them to new felt stockings for next year because broadcloth just isn't sturdy enough, even with French seams inside. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself:

I still need to add the names. I'm working on cutting the letters out of felt because I'm too cheap to pay for professional personalization. Gotta love the rip-off!

Big-Time Pay Off

Today I had a wonderful moment where I felt like my efforts as a mom are paying off. Adam asked the girls to clean their room and left them alone. They actually cleaned it! I was so stunned when I walked upstairs, expecting to see a major disaster area, and instead saw a perfectly clean bedroom. The pillows and blankets were all on the beds, the toys were on the appropraite shelves in the closet, the dirty clothes were in the laundry basket, and the garbage was in the garbage can. It was grand! The best part about it was that the girls were completely proud of their magnificent accomplishment. Yay Amber and Karli!

Lamenting the End of an Era

I'll admit that while I generally view death as a beautiful part of Heavenly Father's plan, I am rather sad to see these wonderful disciples to whom I've listened during my entire life and grown to love pass on to the next station of existence. The last thirty years of Church history have been amazing, progressive, and interesting thanks to the efforts of these fine men and others like them. I definitely love President Monson and the wonderful new members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, but I want to pay tribute to President Hinckley and to Elder Wirthlin, two of my very favorite speakers.

I loved President Hinckley's sense of humor and his gentle ability to diffuse any uncomfortable situation. He was great with the media and delighted me during every speech with his wit and charm.

Elder Wirthlin...Mr. Football...a Ute...what more can I say? I absolutely loved his last conference address about living life, enjoying every moment, and having a sense of humor. What great men! I hope I'll be able to meet them in the next phase of life.

A-D-A-M Spells Amazing

You all know that my husband is a magnificent guy, but here's the latest proof:

This morning, I enjoyed a wonderful sleep-in and some snuggling with cute, little Rexy. I didn't expect to see Adam in bed as he is now nocturnal; 10:00 p.m. until 7:00 a.m. are prime studying hours around here and he's taking full advantage of the quiet time for Bar Exam preparations. When I finally gained full consciousness, I heard vacuuming downstairs. As I walked down the hall, I heard the dishwasher running and could smell the "clean smell" in our house. Adam had cleaned the whole house from top to bottom while I slept in. Isn't he the best? He did about three loads of dishes (gross, I know), put away all of the kids' stuff that was strewn everywhere, vacuumed, scrubbed the kitchen floor, the whole bit.

I love that man!

My List

My friend Elaine posted this on her blog and I like it. For posterity's sake, here are the things I've done (bold) and the things I still want to do:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon (I'll go watch one)
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (does XML count?)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted (when I was three years old)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Mitt Romney during his presidential run)
92. Joined a book club (do Holt Ward playgroups count?)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake (no thanks!)
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own (this one!)

My Poor, Neglected Blog

It must be December, because I find I have holiday events every single night of the month, mounds of laundry to be folded, piles of dishes to be washed, and I haven't even begun to decorate the house for Christmas. I haven't blogged for a week, and my stack of paperwork is growing exponentially. I have at least removed the Thanksgiving decor from the house, which is better than last holiday: I left Halloween items up until the middle of November.

I am definitely overwhelmed, but for some strange and truly uncharacteristic reason, I'm not worried about whether or not my house is decorated and I'm finding that I don't really care if I have the laundry done completely. My family may disagree, but I feel like we'll all be fine if we don't have three Christmas trees (we'll be lucky if we get one decorated this year), if we have to retrieve our clean clothes from the dryer, and if we have to dig our clean plates out of the dishwasher. Perhaps I'm becoming lazy, but I just can't be bothered by all of the manufactured hustle and bustle of this time of year and I kind of like it.

I DO have the Christmas shopping done, my kids get bathed (almost) every day and we're surviving. For once in my life, I'm doing the best I can and that's good enough for me. Maybe there's something wrong with my attitude, but until I discover what it is, it's nice to be at this point!

That's What I'm Talkin' 'Bout

Take a good look at my ever-disappearing waistline (I promise...I had a waist at one point in my life!), and you'll know that food plays a major role in my life. Not only do I love to eat it, but I love to prepare it, to see it, and to smell it. Thus, Thanksgiving is among my favorite holidays. This year was extra fun because it's the first time we've had Thanksgiving dinner as the Adam and Natalie Clark family. The girls are old enough to understand traditions and were so excited to "celebrate all day" (Amber said that over and over). They helped me cook all of our favorite foods and we had a magnificent feast.

This is cranberry sauce made the RIGHT way: fresh cranberries and a pinch of sugar. Amber was brave enough to try it and she liked it; I thought I'd be the only one. I can eat this stuff right out of the pan with a spoon. I love it!

Here's the whole spread minus gravy. The rolls are my mom's recipe, and the quintessential, Mormon-kitchen, Cool-Whip-topped Pyrex dish contains the famed "rainbow Jell-o". For those of you who haven't experienced it, it's twelve layers of Jell-o and yogurt that create a dazzling chromatic display. The kids can never get enough of it. I made a pumpkin pie for the first time this year, and the turkey was fabulous thanks to Leslie's wonderful bacon-and-gravy method. Honey butter, green beans, sweet potatoes, creamed corn casserole, mashed potatoes and stuffing completed the menu.

Rex had fun watching me cook for the first three hours, but then became annoyed and felt very neglected. Poor little guy!

Karli meticulously worked her pie dough until it crumbled and dissolved. She loves to use cookie cutters and has a bright future in cooking.

Amber insisted on using the "real" rolling pin instead of the cute, small rolling pins that the kids usually use. She thought all by herself to use Silpats for rolling mats. She's smarter than me!

The food all tasted great, I actually had a blast cooking nonstop from 9:00 a.m. until 3:30 p.m., we watched my favorite Thanksgiving T.V. broadcast: the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and I even managed to wash the dishes as I cooked, so I only have four plates, four forks, and three pans to wash. Hooray!

Abundant Blessings

I know this may be cheesey because it is Thanksgiving, but I feel so blessed that I have to document it...it's a wonderful feeling! I have too many great blessings to count, but here are my top five:

1. I know Heavenly Father loves me and is watching over me. This knowledge helps me cope every day with stress, problems, and all the other junk that tends to bog me down. It makes me smile to think that I have a celestial cheerleader who is peeking down at me and saying, "You can do it!"

2. Adam. I have so much fun being married to him! I love being able to wake up next to my very best friend and to be able to build a little family and life with him. He's a marvelous man and he's oh so sexy! I'm a lucky woman indeed.

3. Amber, Karli, and Rex. I love having three adorable kids who make me laugh every single day and remind me to be nice. They are definitely teaching me to be patient and long suffering, and I love being able to be their mom.

4. Health. We are lucky to have bodies that work and are fairly low-maintenance. I'm glad for this!

5. Being able to "borrow" this gorgeous, humongous house. It is SO nice to have a dedicated laundry room, space for the kids to run around, enough bedrooms for everyone, a fabulous Rowenta iron, and the list goes on and on. It has been magnificent to live here after spending three years in our little apartment in the ghetto.

I am certainly thankful for our wonderful parents, my great friends, and all of my acquaintances who teach me valuable things each day. It has been nice to have a special day to be able to do nothing but cook and appreciate everything I have. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!